I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
