News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I understand Curling. That high.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it's great music for shaving your balls
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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