She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
