I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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