i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
