Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
