I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
