Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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