Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
