I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
