i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
