I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
