i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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