I hate your face
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
