i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
