I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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