i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
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