you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
