Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
