i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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