Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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