Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
