I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
