So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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