he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
