I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
