I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
