The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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