After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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