Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
