Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
