What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
