guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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