my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
