All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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