just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
