One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
