Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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