I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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