Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
