3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
