just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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