I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize