does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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