The maid of honor just puked.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
