He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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