everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
