I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
