90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
