I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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