Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
