I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
