Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
