An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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