so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Randomize
