I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
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