Christians are straight up FREAKS
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
