I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
