Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
