I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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