I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
