ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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