never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
how drunk are you?
Several
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
