the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
