its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Naked Twister starts at high noon
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize