He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
