i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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