A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
