Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
