I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
