i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
